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Dealing with Despair
Dark Moments of the Soul
By Mike Woodard
I picked up the bottle of iodine, focusing on
the skull and cross bones symbol.
I did not have a cut that needed
disinfecting. I was hurt on the inside.
I had just returned to my room from a meeting.
A long time friend had said something that cut deep.
Holding the bottle, the thought that came to
my mind was, “I could drink this!”
The thought was serious, but just for a
moment. I was hurt, tired, and so discouraged that despair seemed to rush in.
I’ve never forgotten that moment and have
never told anyone until now.
Maybe it is so vivid because my normal view of
life is optimistic. I often tell people, “I don’t have problems, I have
opportunities…”
Despair can have many sources and can be more
profound combined with other factors.
A friend’s 18-year old daughter attempted to
take her life.
The combination for her was the knee operation
that took her out of her last year of high school sports, the friend who had
criticized her harshly, a broken relationship, alcohol, and physical/emotional
tiredness.
Late one night, after everyone went to bed,
she picked up her pain medication and downed the whole bottle.
Fortunately for her and my friend, despair did
not win. Others are not so fortunate.
Despair is dangerous and can be deadly. I
remember reading once, “People can live weeks without food, days
without water, minutes without oxygen, but not a moment without hope.”
On a personal level I have found it helpful to
identify factors that contribute to despair and also cling to the things that
give me hope.
Some of these factors may seem insignificant.
When I’m hungry and tired I’m more prone to lose perspective. The best thing I
can do is eat and sleep.
I know that when I have emotional highs from
lots of people contact or events, this can result in my emotional bank account
being over extended.
When that happens I can expect an emotional
low to follow. When I know and anticipate this cycle, I find I’m much more able
to deal with it. Despair is held at bay.
Another warning signal of emotional tiredness
can be emotions being closer to the surface.
This can show up through angry “blow ups” or
tears.
You might even think, “Wow! Where did that come
from?” These all give despair a foothold.
Another fertile soil for despair to take root
in is the words of trusted friends.
Words of close friends can be so powerful
either for good or bad.
I don’t care much about what people say who do
not know me, but the words of my trusted friends carry significant weight.
This is why divorce can be so profound. The
person who knows you the best has just said, “I do not value or want
you.”
Wow! That is painful! Despair is swift and can
be suffocating.
Hope becomes an antidote to despair. A variety of things can bring hope.
Perspective can bring hope.
The following story illustrates this point…
On a foggy morning in July 1952, Florence
Chadwick waded into the chilly waters off Catalina Island.
Her goal was to swim the Channel to the coast
of California. The numbing cold of the water hit her right away, and she could
barely see the boat that accompanied her in the dense fog.
Several times during her swim, a rifle was
fired to keep sharks away.
She swam for 15 hours before she asked to be
taken out of the water. Her trainer encouraged her to keep going, saying she
was very close to land.
Florence was no stranger to long distance
swimming. She had been the first woman to swim the English Channel in both
directions.
But this day, as she neared the coast of
California, all she could see was the fog. She was exhausted, and began to feel
discouraged, thinking she was not going to be able to make it…
Florence gave up, just a half mile from her
goal! In the interview after the swim, she was quoted as saying, “I’m not
excusing myself, but if I had only been able to see the land, I might have been
able to make it.”
What was it that caused Florence to give up
that day? Was it the cold water, exhaustion or fear?
No, the reason she failed to reach her goal
was the fog. Two months later, she swam that same Catalina channel and set a
new speed record in the process.
I need fog clearing moments, times when I take
stock of my life and circumstances.
Sometimes this comes through stopping activity
and taking stock or it might involve finding an objective listener who can help
you clear the fog.
This might mean a trip or two to a counselor
or a wise, trusted friend.
Faith can bring hope, ultimate hope.
King David once stated, “I
would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the
Lord in the land of the living.”
Confidence that there is a God who loves me
and has a good plan in the mist of pain, and hurt is a profound defense against
despair.
I was once removed from a position of
leadership suddenly without warning. I was flooded with deep emotions at the
unjustness of this decision.
As my mind was reeling trying to make sense of
this I remembered the words of a friend.
In describing a similar set of circumstances,
she was buoyed by the understanding that God was not wringing his hands in
heaven.
He had a plan. Those words hit me. A
significant sense of confidence settled in.
Confidence that God loved me and even in this
he had a plan for a way through.
There was still pain, confusion and hurt but
knowing God’s love and presence provided a foundation to handle the pain.
A person cannot live long with despair.
Dealing with despair takes two forms,
prevention and long term cure.
Prevention is the strategy of dealing with
conditions that lead to despair which can include simple things like enough
rest or talking out discouragement with a trusted friend.
Prevention involves finding a foundation that
gives hope; especially in the mist of circumstances that are despair producing.
God can provide that foundation. His love can
hold you in the midst of any storm. His wisdom can guide you through it and his
strength can steady you as you move forward.
Despair need not overtake you. Why not open
the door of your despair and invite God into it.
Ask him to walk with you. Don’t try to live
independently from him. He invites you to share the journey with him.
Why not choose God as your foundation today?
If you would like to invite God into that
place of despair today why not pray this prayer right now:
Dear God, My despair is overwhelming. I
don’t know what to do. I need your strength to anchor me and your wisdom to
guide me. I need you to give me a firm footing as I work through this.
I invite you into my life right now. Forgive
me for living independent from you. I need you. Come into my life and bring me
hope today. Amen.
If
you prayed this prayer, we would love to hear from you. If you would like to
know God deeper, we can connect you with an email mentor and/or send you some
great links.
Mike Woodard is a small town boy who grew up on a hobby farm in Michigan.
After finishing a science degree at Central Michigan University in 1977, Mike
moved to Canada to begin working in university student ministry. He married
Karen in 1978, after years of friendship that started in high school. Edmonton
was their home for 11 years. Their son and 3 daughters were born in rapid
order. Home base moved to Ottawa and then to their current home in Abbotsford,
British Columbia. Mike and Karen have both finished MA degrees from Trinity
Western University, ACTS Seminary. They currently serve with FamilyLife Canada. Their family has expanded to
include 3 sons-in-law and two grandsons.
Mike enjoys backpacking
in the stunning wilderness of Western Canada. A thrill seeker at heart,
bungee-jumping, sky-diving, marathon and triathlon have been checked off his
life’s “to do” list. His motto is, “Life is an adventure!” In the summer of
2012 Mike’s first book was released. Love That
Lasts-52 Insights for Couples is a collection of insights that
first appeared as weekly posts on the FamilyLife Canada website. The
book is now available in English and French.https://thoughts-about-god.com/struggles_/mw_despair/
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