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Joy in Your Golden Years
How to Have Joy in
Your Golden Years Despite These 10 Life Losses
RJ Thesman
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
It
wasn’t supposed to be this way — these years after we earned our AARP card.
People talked about the Golden Years as if they were some magical resort of
rest and enjoyment.
But
it didn’t happen for us like it did for Grandma. No cruises to the Italian
coast. No easy retirement with plenty of money to do whatever we want. No easy
choices for the next decades.
Since
Jesus died young, we have no divine example for the 60+ years.
So
how do we deal with these not-so-golden years when the abundant life is elusive
and everything feels like a loss?
1. Loss of Friends.
Many
of us attend frequent memorial services. We’re putting on pounds from the
funeral potatoes and singing “It is Well with my Soul” so often, we have it
memorized.
But
the worst part is that our friends are leaving us behind.
Sure,
we know they’re in heaven, happy and free. But that doesn’t lessen the loss
when we no longer have anyone to help us shop, go to the movies or eat out.
We
feel alone because we are alone. Grieving is our
constant activity.
My
therapist explained that the loss of friends is deep because we know we don’t
have enough time to make another lifetime friend.
But
we can make some new friends. Sign up to be a mentor or
tutor in the public schools.
2. Loss of Work.
Many
of us planned and looked forward to retirement. The first weeks of sleeping in
felt glorious.
We
no longer fight traffic on the daily commute. On snow days, we laugh because we
don’t have to worry about the danger. We’re warm and safe.
But
the loss of job also means the loss of peers and friends. Our brains — once so
active — now feel like mush.
As
carefully as we may have planned our finances, we are now at the mercy of the
government for healthcare. Prices keep rising. Fear surges with each increase.
If
the loss of work is pulling you down into a well of remorse, apply for a
part-time position.
Some
companies like to hire senior consultants. My city includes a special section
on its website for senior workers.
As
a writing coach, I help many seniors put together that memoir they’ve always
wanted to write. Share your experiences and get busy doing something
productive.
3. Loss of Purpose.
This
loss is a twin of job loss. Many of us found purpose and significance in what
we did every day.
Now,
that purpose is gone. We feel like slugs as we sit on the couch and play with
the TV remote.
We
need to find another way to define our significance.
The Psalmist reminds us God “fulfills his purpose for us”
(Psalm
57:2).
He
created us for good works from the beginning of creation. We can still find
divine appointments every day.
One
of my friends volunteers in the NICU section of the hospital. She holds
premature babies and helps them survive through life-giving touch. This
activity gives her purpose. Some children are alive because she was present.
Another
retired friend loves to bake pies. He bakes two per week and supplies a local
Christian coffee shop with delicious pastries. He uses his love of baking to
initiate a new purpose.
4. Loss of Health.
This
loss may surprise us because it sidelines us so quickly. Many of my friends
live with chronic pain and constant doctor visits. Their medical bills climb as
their bodies decline.
This
loss is part of the aging process and ultimately — all of us suffer from it.
But
we can look forward to that day when our weary bodies are left behind, and our
spirits soar to heaven.
We
can spend the down time praying for our families, surrounding ourselves with
good music and reaching out via the internet to others.
One
of my friends has muscular sclerosis. She lives in her wheelchair, but once a
week she calls to encourage my writing ministry. She calls herself a CEO: Chief
Encouragement Officer. She is one of my she-roes.
5. Loss of Hope.
When
the losses pile up, we can easily slip into discouragement. But when the
gloomies deepen and we find ourselves thinking more about death than life, it’s
time to seek help.
Psalm 90:14 reminds
us God is the one who satisfies us with his love every morning. When life seems
hopeless, we can depend on the faithfulness of his love.
Get
out of the house. Talk to a therapist. Ask your doctor for anti-depressants.
Go
to the mall and walk. Exercise stimulates endorphins that help us feel better.
Check out a funny movie from the library and laugh. For your birthday, ask your
family for the video series of “I Love Lucy” or “Carol Burnett.”
6. Loss of Memory.
Because
my mother suffers from Alzheimer’s, this loss is the one that scares me the
most.
If I have a blip of memory loss, I immediately pray, “Oh God, Oh God, I can’t stand it. Don’t let
me have Alzheimer’s.”
The
brain ages along with the rest of the body. But we can work to activate new
pathways.
First,
don’t assume memory blips are the worst-case scenario. Get checked for a
urinary tract infection which often causes a brain lapse.
Allergies,
diabetes, side effects from medicines — all these issues can lead to
forgetfulness.
Nutrition
helps, especially eliminating processed sugars. So avoid the dessert at the
funeral dinners. The herb rosemary is helpful for memory and so is turmeric.
Do
simple tasks with your non-dominant hand, such as brushing your teeth or
opening doors.
A
simple change in routine opens new brain pathways. Breathe deeply and stop
worrying about your memory.
7. Loss of Faith.
As
we age, we may spend more time in reflection than dreaming about the future. We
still believe in God, but we also remember the prayers that weren’t answered,
the “Why” questions never addressed.
By
this time, we expected God to rescue us and get us out of this mess. But it
didn’t happen. The joy of the Lord is supposed to be our strength, but we don’t
feel joyful. We feel weak.
Focus
instead on the attributes of God. One of the phrases my character used in the
Reverend G trilogy was, “The question is ‘why’ but the answer is ‘Who.’” How
has God been faithful to you throughout the years?
Keep
a gratitude journal. Write at least three things you are grateful for each day.
They don’t have to be super spiritual.
Birds
huddled on a telephone wire. The cold nose of the dog who loves you
unconditionally. The body part that doesn’t hurt.
Speak
your gratitudes out loud and remember, God has not lost faith in you.
8. Loss of Dreams.
Maybe
you never married or never had children. All your friends keep bragging about
their grandkids, but you have no pictures to show off.
Maybe
you struggled through divorce late in life, the dreaded “gray divorce” that
left you without a home or financial security. Your dreams floated away,
replaced by scabs of soul regret.
Some
lucky people do realize their dreams and live
out their last years surrounded with love. It’s hard not to covet their
seemingly easy lives.
We
all have segments of Plan A that didn’t work out, so we focus on a different
direction. Reidentify yourself. Move in a different direction.
Sheryl
Sandburg, VP of Facebook, suddenly lost her husband, Dave. He suffered a heart
attack while working out in the gym.
She
had two young children to raise and a corporate position to maintain. She
learned a great deal about loss and grief, then wrote Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and
Finding Joy.
She
talks about post traumatic growth, a more positive idea than PTSD. Here's a
link: https://optionb.org/book.
9. Loss of Passion.
When
we were young, we felt great passion for the future. Maybe we signed up for a
lifetime of serving God in missions. Or we studied hard to earn our degrees and
devoted our lives to one job.
Now,
we feel dried up and used up. The positive emotions of passion no longer pulse
through our hearts. Love for ourselves and others. Excitement about new
projects.
The
fervor to set new goals and the energy to accomplish them. Gone.
The
golden years feel like those golden raisins in my refrigerator – all shriveled
up. Yet, they still taste good on my cholesterol-busting oatmeal.
Part
of the grieving process is the level of acceptance. Sometimes we have to
realize this is just the season we’re in. If we can find new passions — great.
It
helps me to have a pet, someone else to take care of. It also helps me to watch
my favorite sports teams.
I
can still muster passion for the Jayhawks and the Chiefs, yell at the refs when
they make mistakes and cheer when we win.
10. Piles of Loss.
The
most difficult loss is the compounded one. When we wonder if God and Satan are
playing another Job-like game. This time, we’re the victims.
When
everything piles up and losses accumulate, remember this is only a season. At
some point, this mess will end. How we react today is more important than how
we find our way out some time in the future.
Younger
people are watching us. Family members still depend on us to be the matriarchs
and patriarchs of faith.
Life
on this earth will not become easier with time. The
book of Revelation is a constant reminder.
But
we don’t have to let the losses destroy us. We can use some of the tools
mentioned in this article and keep our focus upward.
When
everything seems out of whack, repeat the lovely words of Isaiah 46:4.
Our loving God speaks hope to our hearts, “Even to
your old age and gray hairs I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I
will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
RJ
Thesman finds her passion
coaching writers, editing books, speaking in various venues and writing words
of hope. She is the author of 11 books and more than 800 articles. Connect with
RJ on her website: RJThesman.net.
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