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The Curse Of The Hemorrhoids
This
excellent example of Bible humor, spanning three chapters (1 Samuel 4-6), involves the Philistines.
They were
a pagan, war-like people who inhabited the southwestern section of
land God intended His people to possess (Joshua 13:3).
As
Israel's longest and most implacable enemy, they regularly sought any opportunity
to harass, oppress and dominate their territorially larger rival.
To put in
bluntly, the Philistines were simply not nice neighbors!
One day, during the time of Samuel the
prophet, the Philistines carried out a bold incursion into Israel's land.
They
attacked God's people and won a decisive victory (see
1 Samuel 4).
Baffled
as to why they were beaten, the elders among the people hastily brought the Ark of the Covenant onto
the battlefield (1 Samuel 4:3-5).
The
Ark, which contained the Ten Commandments written by God's finger, was a
national religious treasure.
Israel's
hopes, however, of its mere presence insuring a victory were quickly dashed.
The Philistines defeated them yet again and captured the cherished Ark.
Israelite hopes that the mere presence
of the Ark would insure a military victory quickly fell apart. The Philistines
soundly defeated them, yet again, and captured their symbol of God's covenant
as a spoil of war.
Israel's
hated and feared enemy, however, would soon learn a quite painful (and to us,
humorous) lesson that the Lord is second to none and can creatively punish
those who disrespect him!
The
Ark is taken to the Philistine city of Ashdod. It is soon laid in front of a
large idol of Dagon, the people's primary deity, as a symbol that it was
mightier than the Eternal (1 Samuel 5).
God,
however, causes the statue of Dagon to fall down in each of the first two
nights it is in the presence of the Ark.
The
second time the idol falls it breaks into several pieces (verses 2-4).
What proceeds next is perhaps the most
humorous punishment in the Bible!
Scripture states the Philistines were punished with the
following, "And the hand of the Lord
was heavy upon the people of Ashdod, and He destroyed them and struck them with
(painful) hemorrhoids . . ." (1 Samuel
5:6, HBFV).
The torment of the hemorrhoids drives those in
Ashdod to transfer the Ark to another Philistine city named Gath (1 Samuel 5:8).
When
it arrives, all the people are made to suffer the same punishment as Ashdod!
As
one would imagine, it did not take long for this prized war trophy to be
hurried out of Gath to yet another city (Ekron).
The
curse of the hemorrhoids, however, also strikes all those in Ekron. They, too,
demand the Ark be taken away.
The Philistine leadership finally comes
to its senses and decides to send the Ark BACK to Israel (1 Samuel 6).
In
order to appease the true God they so readily mocked, they are advised by their
priests to drop it off in Israelite territory with some rather unique offerings
(verses 2-5).
What
were these special guilt offerings? They were five pieces of gold shaped like
mice and five other offerings of gold shaped like, you guessed it, the
hemorrhoids that inflicted them (verses 4-5,
11)!
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